21 December, 2012. 6:00 A.M.
I got up and looked outside my room window. It was still dark and silent. I had an urge to go on a morning walk but somehow I lacked the courage to step out all alone in that haunting silence of dimly lit street in those wee hours of the day. It was not the chilling cold climate that killed my spirit but the fear.. fear of something strange, fear of anonymous following me, fear - I cannot name it.
At this present moment All I can say, I am not the only girl living with this fear. There are thousands of other girls living with this fear, lakhs and more, battling with this fear each time they step out of their homes into this world. And not just the girls, but their parents and family members too are caught in its grip.
When Derek O'Brien said in Parliament- "I am a father of 17 year old girl and I am horrified.....", his fear sounded similar to me, for I sensed the same fear in my parent's voice, when each day they called to know my whereabouts whenever I went out with my friends, whenever I was travelling alone be it in auto-rickshaw, local bus, trains..I used to frown at my sister for not allowing me to go out late evening with my friends, for putting so many restrictions, I used to feel choked and miserable for not letting me enjoy my freedom of being away from Home. But now, I think, I would have done the same to my younger sister seeing the situation in Delhi and Gurgaon. Yes, I don't feel safe. No matter, how brave or coward it may sound, but the truth is that-I fight against this fear each day.
And moreover, all these daily headlines and talks about : - "city-unsafe-for-women", "Restrictions-on-women's-dress-code", "a-girl-raped-and-thrown" etc. heightens my fear inside (though it leaves me frothing at the mouth at the same time, ironic !!). What do I do of this unknown, uncalled fear that's silently percolating in my conscience and thoughts through these headlines and news and leaving me hollow ( just like termites do it to wood from inside).How do I reinforce the assertiveness, strength in myself if my mind is again and again reminded of the increasing atrocities on WOMEN around the globe through every channel of information- be it newspaper, news channel, entertainment? How can I refrain from thinking the vulnerabilities I am exposed to?
One suggested, may be by creating a sense of positivism, realm of safety through the same medium that generates this fear. Yes, through media, through Law, through us. Why not? By changing the tone of information, by formulating stringent laws against such crimes, improving the policing and monitoring, by bringing change in society, by bringing change in education, by changing the ways children are brought up.. Yes, BY CHANGE. But, it's far easier said than done. I am not being pessimist here. I do hope that we finally live in a society that's safe not only for HER but for everyone. And I am ready to do my bit to bring this change. All I am dubious about is the TIME- how long will it take to bring this change in our society.. How Long? How Long do I have to put on this FIGHT for my own Existence of being a Women, for my own Freedom? The question is - HOW LONG? At least, I should get an answer to this one.
P.S: I am not asking - Why should I- a woman-put a fight at All, I am born equal to any other man on this earth and I am entitled to enjoy all the freedom that a man enjoys by birth. But I am not. For it's seems to me a futile question at the moment.
All I hope, I soon get a chance to come up with yet another post titled - "Are you living in a safe society? Just like Me.. "
On my route to self-discovery which also encompasses one beautiful aspect- Being a Woman.